How Much Better Can I Be?

By Jenna Ghazal

Do better. Be better. Strive for better. As the eldest daughter of an immigrant family, I have heard these words constantly. They have been ingrained in me since childhood. Being the daughter of a traditional household, you have to live up to their expectations. These expectations often include excelling academically, maintaining cultural values, and fulfilling traditional gender roles. The pressure to meet these expectations can be overwhelming at times.

Be the oldest they expect you to be. Set an example for your younger siblings and carry the weight of responsibility on your shoulders. It's not just about personal success but also about representing your family and community in the best possible way. Pave the way so your siblings can go through the jungle that we call life with ease. Struggle, fall. but never fail. Because you have a reputation to uphold. You have younger siblings that need someone to look up to. Be the oldest that they all think you are. Be the role model that they molded you to be (someone who can guide and inspire their younger siblings). Be the source of support and encouragement, showing them that they too can overcome obstacles and achieve their goals. Even though you never fail. You cannot fail.

Be the girl they expect you to be. Make sure you have etiquette. When you get home, walk quietly and do what you're told. Finish your assigned chores and your homework. But don't forget about the random tasks they throw at you. Don't forget to fix the broken shelf. Don't forget to prepare dinner. Don't forget to ask if they need anything before you do your own thing. Be the dependable and responsible daughter they raised you to be. Be accommodating, kind, and polite. Make sure you look and act feminine, because that's what a lady needs to be like. Make sure you don't talk with boys: otherwise, the aunties will talk about you behind your back. Never even think about having a boyfriend; you have to take care of the family and finish your studies. Don't go out of the house unless you need to. You need to always prioritize your family's needs and aspirations over your own. Your dreams and desires are secondary to their expectations. Remember. your role as a woman is to support and protect the family 's honor. even if it means sacrificing your own happiness. It is essential to conform lo societal norms and expectations. as deviating from them could have severe consequences for your reputation and safety. Don't create another thing for the aunties to talk about.

Be the soft-spoken person they expect you to be. Don't yell; just sit and listen. Don't talk too much about yourself. They don't care about what's happening with you. But always listen to what they have Lo say and never yawn or look unamused. Like Brady. the author of "I Want a Wife" slates, "I want a wife who will not bother me with rambling complaints about a wife's duties. But I want a wife who will listen" (252). As Brady states, you can't voice your opinion, or else you'll be annoying. Always listen, but never speak. If you do. never raise your voice. And remember to always maintain a polite and respectful demeanor, as any display of impatience or disinterest could be seen as disrespectful. Always avoid controversial topics or expressing strong opinions that may lead to disagreements and potential conflicts within the family or community.

Be the positive person they expect you to be. Show enthusiasm and support for their ideas and beliefs, even if you may not fully agree with them. ln a traditional household, you are expected to adhere to a certain set of values and beliefs. You must carefully navigate conversations and interactions by avoiding any topics that may lead to disagreements. All while maintaining a polite and respectful demeanor. It is crucial lo demonstrate enthusiasm and support for the ideas and beliefs of others. even if your personal opinions differ. 11· you're sad. don't cry in front of others, because that's weakness. and you don't want to teach your sibling weakness. You need to be the strong sibling they can depend on. There is no such thing as depression. The aunties and family will look down upon you. Your life is too perfect for you to be depressed. Suck it up and always stay positive. Never be in a bad mood, because then you are not being grateful for what you have. Be the shoulder your friends can rely on when they're in a slump. You're enthusiastic and never have hardships.

Be the success that they expect you to be. Don't let your parents down. Make sure you have all A's on every subject. You need to be smart to be successful. And if you're successful. you'll have everything your parents have dreamed of. And, never think that you don't need to reach your parents' dreams. Danna Pasos, a student from San Rafael High School, wrote a journal about how she feels pressured to be the firstborn child of immigrant parents. She talks about how first-generation students often feel guilt or a sense of responsibility to validate their parents' efforts, build generational wealth. and set an example for future generations. She labeled this guilt feeling as "first-generation guilt" (Pasos). This pressure is overwhelming, as they not only have to navigate their own dreams and desires but also carry the weight of their parents' expectations. Danna's journal sheds light on the complex emotions that many first-generation students experience. With this "first-generation guilt" you must succeed. Or, all your parents' hard work would be in vain. There's no room for mistakes. Stay focused on the goal. Be dependable and responsible. Be successful.

Be the doctor they expect you to be. Your culture will only accept well-respected professions. If you choose something else, you're letting your whole family down. Fulfill the societal expectations that they require of you. Make sure your parents have an oldest daughter they can brag about. Make sure you are educated by being a doctor. So that they can say "my daughter is a doctor" and list off her achievements, but never mention how hard you had to work to get them.

Be the responsible one they expect you to be. The one that takes care of your younger siblings. Help them with their homework and drop yours. Be patient and understanding when they make mistakes. But, you can't ask for help. You're responsible. You don't need help. Oh. and don't forget to balance that With your school activities. Make sure they are fed when the parents aren't home. Get them tucked in and the backpacks ready for school tomorrow morning. Wake them up and send them off to school, because the parents aren't there and you're responsible. Always strive to be the best, not for yourself but for the siblings you arc paving the way for.

If, by any chance, you fail. you are a disgrace. Failing was never an option. The rules are clear, and you must not stray off that path. The weight of your siblings' future success rests on your shoulders. Know that your efforts will ultimately benefit those who look up to you. The pressure you feel is not just from your family but also from the expectations of your community. Don't be the gossip the aunties talk about. And fulfill the traditional expectations your family placed on you. Do better. Be better. Strive for better. So in the end, just be better.

Brady, Judy. "I want a Wife" 40 Model Essays: A Portable Anthology. Jane E Aaron and Ellen Kuhl Repetto, Bedford/St. Martin's, 2013. pp. 251- 255

Pasos, Danna. ""Guilt Looming Over Our Heads": Being a First-Generation Immigrant "Success'' Story." Off the Leash, 5 January 2022, https://srhsoffieash.org/2139/opinion/guilt-looming-over-our-heads-being-a-first-generation-immigrant-success-story/#. Accessed 12 December 2023